saying "goodbye" wasn't goodbye forever :)

Just a year ago, we were a family of 8.  We had a little girl, M living with us as a foster placement.  I knew when she came to us that it wouldn't be permanent, she had 2 other siblings, all 3 living in different foster homes.  Her brother and sister were just as beautiful as her, and I would have loved to have been able to have all 3, but we were too full.  That is usually the case with most homes.  When we got the phone call, M was the only child that they were still trying to place.  They had called my friend, and said they'd been calling all day long, and were at the end of their list.  She couldn't take her, but she knew I'd been wanting to take another placement, so she gave them my name.  I of course, quickly said yes...I am not sure if I even thought to 'ask' my husband until I had already said o.k. :)  

 She fit right in with our kiddos.   She lived with us for just a month.  She celebrated her 5th birthday with us.  She was instant friends with my girl R. We knew that she would probably get to go to her grandmother's, which I was happy for, b/c her siblings would all be able to be together.  The caseworker had been confused, and thought that they would have to have a hearing before the judge made that decision.  Even though I knew things were temporary, (and we were in the middle of purchasing a house, thinking about moving, had a summer looming ahead of us with 6 kids, and wondering who was going to sleep where in our new home), I was just shocked when I got the call.  They'd had a staffing, and everyone was in agreement for her to go ahead and go to her grandma's that day.  The caseworker was on the way right then to come get her.  I studdered, and started shaking I think....I was at school eating lunch with my daughter.  I asked her to please wait until my children were out of school...they would be devastated if they couldn't say goodbye, and she agreed.  I went home, ready to pack her things, and I just couldn't focus...clothes were dirty, everything was everywhere.  I wanted to see her as much as I could before she left.  So I just got in the car to go pick her up from preschool, and figured she could help me find her things quicker. 

When I got there, I told her that we were leaving, today was the day for her to go be with her brother, sister, and grandmother.  It was during snacktime, and she proceeded to hug every single child, and every teacher there, telling them goodbye.  Several of the teachers got teary.  We got to the car, and she said, "oh wait, I forgot to tell Zach goodbye".  Our son also attended there, but was having therapy at the time.  So we went back in, for her to give him a hug and tell him bye.  Then, we got in the car, and she just burst into tears, and said, "I will miss you!"  I brought her to the front of the car, and we both just hugged, and cried together.  We finally composed ourselves, and headed home.  The entire time she was packing, she got teary, and was saying how she would miss us.  I remember us sitting down together again on the stairs to cry.   She was also excited to go see her family, we talked about that a lot, and she had really missed then when she was with us, but I guess she knew the realty was that she wouldn't be seeing us again. 

I picked the big kids up from school...and there were more cries.  It was very, very hard for me to watch.  What was SUCH a blessing, was that they kids had a special event at school that night, and our parents were coming up to be there for it.  They arrived, just a few minutes before time for her to leave, and it was the perfect distraction to dry up tears.  Then her family arrived, and she was just very happy to see them.  I will never forget the smile on her brother's face when she opened the door. 

I still have photos of her up in our home, (along with our other former fosters) and I have thought of her so often throughout the year. My daughter R, especially, talks about her alot.  We both wondered how she was doing, looked at photos on the computer, and talked about how we missed her.  Not that I ever thought that she would be with us forever...but just that I missed her, the little girl that had been part of our family, that I cared for.  I think it was also hard b/c she was our last placement...before when others left, I always knew that at some point, someone else would come along.  When she left though, we moved, and finalized our adoption, and then we closed our home to not foster anymore, it just left that emptiness...I had been a mother of 6, and now someone was missing. 

I finally contacted someone that had worked with their case.  I just told her I thought of her, and hoped she was doing well.  She forwarded my e-mail on to her g-ma, and she contacted me, so happy to hear from me!  It has been such a blessing, and I wish I had done it sooner.  We made plans, and she got to come over tonight for a sleepover!

I was like a little kid, excited to see my friend.  I was so happy to see her.  When I saw her, she gave me a big hug ;)  She got in the car, and just chatted away with the girls.  They are all having the best time, and it makes me really happy.  Thankful to God that we are still able to see her.  She is doing great, btw.  She has thrived with her family.  She is a lot different from the little girl that arrived at our home a year ago.  I am so glad things have worked out well for them.  I just about became a puddle when I discovered her loved bunny she had with her, was the one I bought for her...she said she sleeps with it every night (along with her other special ones).  When we got it, we had been to the doctor that day, and we stopped by WM to get some medicine.   We ate lunch together, just the 2 of us while we waited, and then we shopped for some flip flops.  It was right after Easter, and everything was on clearance, so I got her a bunny....she needed her own stuffed animal.  I just wanted to cry when I discovered that is a special bunny to her...b/c even though that day was just a doc trip and WM....it was a special day for me too.