My son has FAS

Thursday, for the first time, I told someone that my son has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome without following up by saying "he is adopted".  I just thought about the other day how hard it is for me to say out loud that my son has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  I am a big supported of FAS, or of not drinking, of rasing awareness...of helping others by telling our story...but I don't want others to think that my actions led to his disability.  Isn't that a little hypocritical of myself to be that way?  I am the first to say that I don't judge, that I understand that people just don't know how badly alcohol affects their fetus, that people drink when they don't know they are pregnant, or their doctor said it was o.k.  I want birth parents to feel comfortable coming to our support group meetings, and I really do...and don't judge them, and so happy for them to be part...but yet, I don't want anyone to think I did that to my son.  As soon as I say the words, the finger points to me.  So I have to quickly say, "he's adopted".  Shame on me.  I don't want to minimize what he has, single him out as not being mine biologically, turn blame on a woman I have never met, to act like I am ashamed of the person he is, or to have someone praise me for adopting a child that has special needs.  He is my beautiful, precious gift, and he is, who he is, b/c of how he formed in the womb.  He is my son b/c of his mother that wasn't able to control her addiction.  In fact, I have 2 beautiful children b/c of that.  I prayed so many times for the Lord to give me another son after we had our 3rd child, and he gave me 2.  Two boys that were made just for this family. 
On this day, I was speaking with the mother of a son that was autistic, and she was having a difficult time controlling him, and this time, as to not discredit what she was going through, I just said, "my son acts the same way often, he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome".  I think I still hushed my voice...but hey, I was in a waiting room FULL of people. Everyone didn't need to know what he has.  What was incredible though, after I told her that, she asked me why he was so calm at that moment, and I told her about how the last time we had an appointment there, he acted just like her son was, and this time, I had brought along a lot of his sensory things.  He was wearing a weighted backpack at the time, and I told her about that...something she had never heard of, but got SO excited about to try.  As we were talking, another mom came over.  She had been listening, and she came over to ask more questions about the monkey leash backpack he was wearing.  She then said she was a special education teacher, and she knew a lot of her children that would benefit from that.  Then she turned to the other mom, and offered her a smile, and encouragement, and at that moment, I was so proud to be apart of that.  That mom, who was struggling greatly, was so appreciative.  She opened up and 'wispered' how she gets embarrassed b/c of how he acts, and how he is hard to handle, and she is doing the best she can.  She told us about some of the mean things people said to her telling her to "control her son" when she is in public.  That is when the teacher mom said to her that other people have No Idea what it is like to raise a child with special needs, and that she was doing the best she could.  Then the mom was called back, and I just said a silent prayer.  Of thanks, for letting me be part of that, of hope, that the mom felt encouraged, that maybe the backpack idea could help her son too.....and thankful, for other mom's living this life, of going through the hard times.  I was also very thankful to my family, therapists, friends, and support system for getting us as far as we have gotten with our son, and giving me so many tools that help us daily.  My son has Fetal Alcohol Snydrome, and I am so proud to be his MOM ;)